Parenting the Teenager: Wellbeing Talk at Wycombe Abbey
2 October 2026 - Boarding
On the evening of Tuesday 22 September, we were delighted to welcome parents to the first of our Parenting the Teenager talks of the Academic Year. Clinical psychologist, writer and speaker Dr Tara Porter gave a thought-provoking talk on “The Pursuit of Excellence, Perfectionism and Mental Health”. Her central message was reassuring; in a global culture that encourages young people to do more, achieve more and gives them such easy avenues to compare themselves with one another, “good enough” can be a powerful and protective idea.
Dr Tara Porter explored the pressures facing young people today, from social media and global competition to increasingly outcome-focused education and family expectations. She explained that perfectionism is not simply having high standards but constantly striving for more while judging oneself harshly. This can lead some young people to overwork and seek control, while others procrastinate, avoid challenges or give up altogether.
A valuable part of the evening focused on how parents can help children pursue their ambitions without allowing achievement to become the measure of their worth. Dr Tara Porter encouraged a move away from outcome-based parenting towards relationship-based parenting: showing interest and enthusiasm, while allowing children autonomy, fluctuations in performance and the freedom to discover their own route. Academic and career paths, she reminded us, are rarely straight lines, and success encompasses far more than examination results.
Her practical framework was memorable: be “good enough”, relationship-focused and an equal mix of firm and kind. Parents do not need to remove standards or boundaries, but should combine them with warmth, curiosity and empathy. “Talk with them. Listen to them,” was a simple but important reminder, with empathy and curiosity described as an emotional first-aid kit.
The talk prompted thoughtful questions and honest reflection about the messages adults communicate to their children, both explicitly and unintentionally. We left with strategies and a compelling invitation to value connection over comparison, support over control and sustainable growth over relentless striving.
It was a brilliant first event to kickstart our Parenting the Teenager programme for the 2026-27 Academic Year.
Sophie Blunt
Acting Deputy Head (Pastoral)
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